I meant to visit a lighthouse. I found this instead.

September 9, 2023.

My heart was feeling a little raw, and I just needed to feel okay. There are a couple things in this world that feel like a giant hug from God: listening to and playing music, baking, and photography.

I decided to have myself a little adventure. I’d heard of Point Vicente lighthouse, located an hour outside of LA. I love lighthouses, because there’s something so romantic about something built solely to help those lost at sea find their way back home. Lighthouses say: “It’s okay, just keep going—you’re so close. Home is here.” That’s what I needed.

I woke up at 6, ready to chase the morning light. To my chagrin, lighthouses have visiting hours. It was surrounded by a very ugly, very tall fence—it kind of reminded me of a majestic animal, locked behind bars in a zoo. I found out that it would open at 10.

I felt a little defeated. I’d driven a whole hour, wasted a quarter tank of gas on this pursuit. I felt a little silly—I’m too reckless, never doing enough research. I jump into things too quickly, assuming they’ll work out.

But I took a deep breath. I’m not one to get upset over circumstances.

I’ve seen people who get upset over the most minor inconveniences, and they always end up hurting those they love the most.

And although I’m by myself most of the time, I’m trying to continue encouraging this “live and let live” attitude so, one day, when I’m not alone, I don’t hurt others.

I got a latte from Dunkin’ Donuts, called my mom, and then looked up lakes near me. Turns out, there was one. Not knowing what to expect, I took a couple more sips of my overly sugary drink and then headed out to this unknown location.

When I parked, it was like coming home. I stepped foot on the grass, and a sort of giddiness grew inside of me. I was not made for cold concrete, for skyscrapers, for the urban filth of a city full of people who only care who you know and what you own.

I’ve taken photos in the safety of my apartment for almost three years now. But I’ve recently challenged myself to take more photos in public, and it has made me feel brave. When I found a small patch of world, overgrown with wild yellow flowers, all the people passing by melted away. The light caught on a delicate spiderweb, a giant spider king happily resting in the middle. Everything seemed so beautiful, so real, so green.

For the next two hours, I was lost in nature. Half of me was composing shots, the other just lost in how beautiful everything was.

I mean, look at the light hitting the dew on this plant. Makes me look like I’m in a golden fairy world!

I even stumbled onto a family of ducks. I talked to them like I was in a fairytale, asking them to PLEASE FOR GOODNESS SAKE STAND STILL. An overly friendly squirrel followed me around, stopping every now and then to stare at me intently with a look like he knew me from another world.

I left feeling lighter than air. God knew this moment in the sun, amongst good green things was exactly what I needed. And to think, if the lighthouse had been open, I would’ve missed these moments.

So, when life doesn’t go as expected, get an iced Pumpkin Spice Latte and find another destination. Don’t hold onto plans so tightly. Learn to enjoy right where you are.

Because there, amongst the spiders and the birds and bees, you might find yourself again.

I was so inspired by this weekend, I wrote a song about it last night. I’m going to be recording a video soon of myself singing it! Make sure to follow me on Instagram @amanda.michelle.brown to hear the song!