A Soft Girl’s Guide to Vans Warped Tour

Black shirts, fishnet tights, friendly banter embellished with insults and cuss words—the Vans Warped Tour is perhaps the last place you’d expect a Certified Soft Girl to spend her weekend.

And yet, that’s exactly where I was last Saturday 11 am to Sunday 10:30 pm.

For something wonderful happens when you allow yourself to cultivate friendships—or even romance—outside of your “genre” of living.

In reading a bit of psychological literature, I’ve learned that we are drawn to people who have qualities we wish we had. I’ve always been go-with-the-flow, submissive, and quiet, and there is a SCARY obvious trend of me gravitating towards people who buck the system, ask questions, and listen to music that would run in the background of my nightmares.

So, would I recommend you attend Vans Warped Tour? What are my suggestions if you do? Explore answers to all this and more below.

1. Should you attend Vans Warped Tour as a Soft Girl?

One of my annoying life mantras is now: “Why not?”

Because, listen—you have free will. And that is something I never take for granted.

Someone out there wishes they had the opportunity to say yes to the opportunities given to you every day. Someone out there is being told “No, you can’t.”

Now, if you seriously doubt you’d find any joy in the experience or if you feel your conscience would be offended, then by all means—skip this and move on to the next opportunity that faces you.

But part of being alive is experience. What are you doing with the life you are given? Are you living small? Or are you collecting moments like trinkets? Are you building up your Parent Lore? I often imagine reporting back to my 12-year-old self, who so badly wanted to be able to get in a car and go do things. And I’m pleased that I can give her a whole list of ways I’ve been spending my freedom, and spending it well.

2. Tip if you do go: Build in Introspection Time.

I am a big No Conflict person, to the point where simply disagreeing with people or even pushing my way through a crowd feels like conflict.

And, at a place like Warped Tour . . . there’s a lot of all of that. Yes, people are swearing often (but that’s kinda part of being in the world). People are expressing their conflicting political views. And, literally everywhere you go, it’s gonna be a fight against the flow of traffic.

By the end of Day 1, and then definitely by afternoon of Day 2 I found myself severely depleted in social battery. I barely had the energy to apologize to people when I almost bumped into them anymore. I had to excuse myself from a set, find myself a grassy knoll, and just zone out while scarfing down a terriyaki bowl.

So, whether you like it or not, you’re going to need that alone time. Especially if you—like me—don’t recognize most of the bands. And that’s ok. Walk around and take in everyone’s clothing, how they’re interacting with each other, the way art and culture and history and rebellion are clashing in one moment.

Marvel that you’re allowed in here, with these people who think they’re not cool and outcasts from society but ARE YOU KIDDING ME they’re the ones who are cool and edgy and dark and just kinda do what they want while the soft girls are over here apologizing for taking up space in a grocery store and trying to placate everyone.

Embraced the punk rock.

3. Remember: You are allowed to be multi-faceted.

I remember someone telling me they don’t like personality types because they don’t want to be put in a box, which is totally fair. But this same person would call me out when I was doing something that wasn’t very “Amanda-like.”

But . . . we’re all human. We’re all curious puzzles. Take it from someone who writes—it is extremely difficult to write stories, because characters are easiest to write if they’re formulaic, but that’s the very thing about people. We aren’t formulaic. We think we know what we want or like, but maybe that’s not what we really want/like, or maybe it changes.

So, yes, I’m a soft girl—but I can also enjoy thrillers and action movies. I can wear leather or own Doc Martens and, yes, I can listen to a lot of rock.

And, maybe once a year, I can be found at Vans Warped Tour getting really into a metalcore song just because I can.

Closing Thoughts

When my fiance first mentioned Vans Warped Tour, I immediately wrote it off. He’s my best friend, and we do most everything together, but we don’t listen to much of the same music. A 2-day event with only his genre? Meh.

But then I thought . . . oh, come on. How small-minded. I’m an artist, a creative. I love life, I love art, I love music. Why not give myself the opportunity to like or not like something? Why not just dive in, headfirst? Why not get a sweatshirt I can give my kid one day to prove I’m not lame, right?

And so I got the tickets.

And, first off, the smile on his face when I told him made it all worth it. But, secondarily, I now know I tried something.

And it’s been almost exactly a week now, and I’ve been dog sick from being in the pit way too close with all these strangers and breathing in all kinds of germs. I sat on the ground with apple rinds and trash because my feet hurt too much to stand anymore, but my friend and I were dying laughing at how much we’d lowered our standards and that’s a memory I won’t soon forget.

And while, no, the genre in and of itself still isn’t my favorite—I got to see two dear people in my life absolutely shine in a place they felt at home. They got to explain how that culture and those songs have carried them through both dark and bright times in life. And I feel I have massively expanded my outlook on life and only gained another facet that will help me identify more largely with the experience of being human.